| Rookies
Suck and So Do Dave and John Sure, Curtis Henning is the best rookie the league has ever seen. Sure, Dave Cain could be considered the most frightening hitter our players and fans have ever witnessed. And yes, I will grant you that John Deatrick...err, is a great guy. Great. Wonderful. But you see, this trio has a better shot running into a drunk frat guy on a Friday night than they do beating me, Scott, and Seth in the 2003 All-Star Game. That's a fact, ladies and gentlemen. But why?
How can I sit on my horse and proclaim that this team is dead in the water? Is it simple hatred that controls my biased brain? Ignorance to what actually might be men who are pushing me to the realm of mediocrity? No and no (and they're NOT, damnit!). I can make these wild claims because for one more rare time, I am being teamed up with Scott Carmichael. It's over. It could be me, Scott, and Aaron Kemper, and the possibility of us 10-running them shouldn't cause any eyes to blink. Instead of Kemper though, we have my usual partner-in-crime Seth Yoder, who's only in the running for the Cy Young. Have fun trying not to get no-hit, fellas. Forget beating us, our opposing trio has a better shot at turning on MTV and seeing something other than Bone Crusher than they do in even SCORING A RUN. But to be safe, and appease my critics, who think my arm is over the hill, I will give them one run. ONE. No more. It won't happen. And after coming to that consclusion, can I really then follow with the idea that we will do anything other than come away victorious. You think Scott will get shut out, not hitting a homerun? You think I will? Do you think both of us will in the same game? It's going to be a great game...and a great day to be me. After I take my fifth-ever homerun derby, I'll back up my words and take the new school to class. People may not like it, but they have to accept it. Lebron James will not average over 25 pts per game in his rookie season. Dontrelle Willis will not finish his career with a 2.13 ERA. And Curtis Henning, alongside relative newbies Dave Cain and John Deatrick, has no chance in hell of winning the All-Star Game. Final Score: 4-1 |
