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Shot From the Teeth 2000, Volume IV
Hello ladies and
gentlemen, it has been a long time since we have talked. I would like
to apologize for my absence. I know you all missed me though, as I have
read in all the e-mails I have gotten telling me that you miss me. But
enough chatting, let's get to the news.
-James Vassar is
making it known that he doesn't approve of a colored man being in the
league by not showing up to games that Darnell Uhland comes out too. After
the opening day at The Byrd House, when James and I were hanging out (I'm
serious...really), I asked him about it, and his comments were "What the
fuck are you talking about? Darnell who?" I think James needs to take
a couple more acting classes before he thinks I'll fall for that one!
-Derek Byrd has come
out recently showing a lot of power. What's his secret? Well, the man
has put on a lot of weight. Remember last year when he weighed 110 (according
to his WB '99 players club profile)? Well, I think the chant of "weight
room" actually effected Derek, because he went there and the numbers are
living proof.
-You know what I
don't understand. The first page on Tim
Castro's page that reads "To BSS Wiffleball"...with no picture or
anything. What is the point of that? Does it direct you to >their new
address? No, it goes to index2.html. But again, it is the greatest site
ever, so I think I'll let Terry Creighton in on that.
-You know who rules?
Shaq!
-You know who else rules?
Emilio Estevez!
-Just to let everyone
know, Scott Carmichael WAS having some trouble with his swing. That was
before he called me up and asked me if I could show him how he could be
better. We had a two hour long meeting discussing what needs to be done
and what the problems are. Then we went out on the field and took some
BP. I was there behind him helping him swing, get the rotation down and
everything. So when he picks it up and gets the MVP win, I think it would
be in the best interest to just give me the title.
-I recently heard
that Josh Bartholomew quit WB2K because "he sucks". Now I don't mean to
be mean or anything, but that has to be a pretty pathetic. I mean, you
come out to ONE gameday, don't play well, and quit? You should have saw
me the first gameday I came out too. Omar and Donnie played sooooo many
pranks on me! I'm talking about them putting gum in my hair. Donnie would
spit in my drink. They threw out all of my notes. They popped my bike
tires (hence asking Bruce for a pump). I could have sworn they didn't
want me there. But soon you find your place and become content there.
-Mike Walsh has been
coming out though, showing his ambition. He's got some good pitching,
and his batting will get better. But the one downfall I find, is that,
if Commish Creighton decides to pursue it, he may be tempted to use Mike
for the Wiffleball 2001 calendar instead of me. Which I understand due
to Mike being a player and all, but I hope the Commish is going to be
alright getting all the angry e-mails from Cliff fans wanting to see Cliff.
-I recently got an
e-mail from a fan telling me that I had written other places (which I
said I haven't in Shot from the Teeth 3), bringing up the Trampoline Wrestling
Association page. Which is true in some facts, but Bic Bickley (owner
of TWA) told me that these were "sample writing's" he was going to look
at before he considered offering me money as a writer. From then on he
always changes the conversation or makes jokes about my writing.
Now for the e-mails
Q: Who do you find
to be the sexiest athlete out there on the sac?
A: Well, I
think it's obvious that I'm not gay, but I have to be honest when I say
I enjoy Clint shirtless...until the 3rd game when he gets all red and
burnt. But I'm not gay.
Q: Are you gay?
A: Well...no.
Q: What do you do
when you're not writing articles?
A: Well, I make sure I'm up on the Star Wars, Wrestling, and Playstation
news. I make sure I get all the new video games out and beat them within
2 days or their too hard. Ummmm, oh yeah...I date A LOT of girls! I'm
talking A LOT!!!
Till next time...
this is...
Cliff Rancho
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