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WB2K1/KGJWFBL Cliff's Notes II
Alright, well, I got told by the commish that if I am going to have
a piece called, "Cliff's Notes" (which I didn't want it to be named),
I need to make it different from "Shot From the Teeth". So sorry,
Mr. Commish God! Anyway, I decided that since I convinced my mom
that I do I have a job here at wiffleball2k.com (therefore she won't
kick me out of the house), I must do what the Commish tells me to
do.
So round one vs. the KGJWFBL is over and we got
the short end of the stick. It was only a 7-6 loss, but with the
expectations that the WB2k1er's are going to beat them here in Chico,
it would have been great to sweep them. I'm going to use this column
to talk about the SF surroundings as if the game in SF was a book
and I am giving you the Cliff's Notes©
The Field - I think the field is called Murray
Field, but I don't know. Murray Glass wasn't there because he didn't
want to see his league lose. That is what I heard. It was a little
bit longer than The Sac and The Byrd House, plus the wall made it
higher and harder to hit homeruns. It was also slanted, which would
give the WB2k1er's an excuse as to why they walked so many batters.
They are used to perfect angles, on a level playing surface. I don't
think they knew they would be going to the ghetto to play.
Audience - There was an audience of approximently
6 to...umm 7 people. Two of them were in charge of music, scoreboard
and putting up the walk tags. The other four didn't do anything
else. They were useless. Don't think I'm talking about myself here
though! I don't consider myself an audience member as I was with
all the players drinking all the Gatorade and eating all the Starbursts
I could. I also gave Casey Sylvester a piece of advice when he told
me to get off the cooler. So I guess you can call me the manager.
There was also a female audience member that I tried to pick up
on, but she just told me to 'get the fuck away'.
Players - KGJWFBL
Clint Woods - Clint had a wind up that was kind of odd. He
mixed his pitches well and kept the batters on their feet. This
is actually what I heard on the car ride home, I didn't notice anything.
When Ed made an error, Clint looked like he was going to kill Ed.
He must have heard me yell, "Clint sucks at pitching! This inning
is never going to end!" Because he struck out the next two batters
to end the inning. How was I supposed to know that he is awesome
under pressure! Sorry WB2k1ers...
Eric Dean - This guy is tall. I was told
he was drafted in the MLB draft, but couldn't stand the hype so
he made up some excuse about going to school. His pitches were very
predictable, but no one could hit him. I asked Joey Creighton if
I could bat against him instead of Scott Carmichael in the last
inning, but he said no. Actually, he gave me this odd look and said,
"Get the fuck out of here!" But look what happened. Scott pops out.
Regretting those words now Joey?
Jess Faneuf - First off, what is wrong with
his last name? I think there is a typo, but what else could it be.
Word on the streets is that it is French. Ha, if that is correct,
he needs to...shave him armpits...or something. He gave up four runs
pitching! That must be a record high! He also hit a homerun, but
when you give up four runs pitching in two innings, your day is
shot! I also heard him say that he doesn't check out the internet
because he doesn't have a computer, so I will take this opportunity
to say that I can beat this guy up in a fight!
Ed Sheem - This guy has hit the longest homerun
in the history of KGJWFBL. Well, in the interleague game, Ed hit
the...least furthest hit...because he struck out. He also gave up two
runs pitching! His wind up looked like a Nintendo wind up. There
was a lot of controversy over him being late. I found out from Mikey
Green that it was because he was doing roids. I just don't understand
people! Look, here is some weight training tips. 1) Don't go everyday!
2) Don't over-work yourself. 3) Standing around makes it look like
you are taking a break from lifting weights. With these tips, who
need roids?!
Nate Torres - The truth is that Nate got
the 5th spot because he didn't want it. It was like that King Arthur,
King Richard, King Henry or King Frank tale, I can't remember the
King. Whoever wanted the baby so much that it would eat it's head
off, King [Blank] gave it to the other person. Nate gave a compelling
interview about how he didn't want to play the WB2k1er's because
he thought we would make him 'hick' or something. But he got picked.
My first thought is that it was great move by Nate by outsmarting
the other candidates. Then I talked to Nate and figured out that
he wasn't smart enough to think of this plan. Oh wait, he checks
the page...Uhhh, Nate was really good. He deserved that number five
spot, because he is smart (yeah, go Cliff!) I also heard he wasn't
going to play in the Chico game because he would be out of town.
Here we go again with Nate trying to scam his way into playing again!
Umpire Dave Loughnot - This guy's umpiring
skills were awesome! I thought he would call every pitch down the
middle, but he would occasionally slip in an outside strike to keep
everyone guessing! But it went both ways, no one is perfect, except
of course for the Cliffmeister and I know I was happy with the umpiring
from Dave. I am aware it doesn't matter since I didn't play, but
that is my opinion. I have to give credit to him for squatting for
9 full innings. The old Cliffster was taking some pitches from Casey
during practice and I had to quit after three pitches. I didn't
check, but his legs could have been fake. (That would also explain
why he didn't get the number five spot)
Well, those are the Cliff's Notes this week. I didn't
write about the WB2k1 players because we all know them, follow them,
stalk them, etc., so why talk about all the walks they threw? I'll
be back with another Cliff's Notes sometime!
Till then,
This is,
Cliff
Rancho
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