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Cliff Rancho Goes to the Movie...Store!
Major League
Hello
all, Cliff here ready to start off the 2002 season with a bang!
Seeing as how the season has already started and I wasn’t
given my regular assignment of the 2002 predictions, I’ve decided
that I will start a new trend here at WB2k2, Cliff Goes to the Movie...Store!
With all the summer blockbusters coming out, who wants to
read another movie review of Spiderman or Star Wars?
Not me! So the trip to the movie store lets me grab
a movie that none of you have probably thought about for awhile,
but we all know that if we see it on TV, we can’t help but watch
it...until the commercials hit.
So
the movie I was set to go and get was The Air Up There. A classic basketball movie that was appropriate
for the times right now (NBA playoffs). We’ve all seen it at least 10 times on TV and we all know how great
it is, but still, it would have been awesome to be able to watch
it on tape and not have them take out all the swearing. The movie store was all out of copies though.
The
movie I picked instead was the classic Major League. A movie about love, hate, passion, tragedy
and the all-mighty will to win.
I figured since Terry Creighton just did an article on the
Road Warriors and how they are a bunch of misfits, cons, and old-timers
who can’t buy a win, maybe Cliff Rancho’s movie review will help
them. Think about it.
Who are the Cleveland Indians of WB2k2?
The Road Warriors! So
enjoy the review and look out Horsemen, (or should I say New York
Yankees!), the Road Warriors are out to get you!
Plot:
This
story deals in the heart of Cleveland. Apparently the Cleveland Indians owner has
died and his bimbo wife, Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton,
known for her work in Big Girls Don't
Cry...They Get Even and Major League II), wants to relocate the
team to Miami so she can get into a free membership to a country
club, and some other stuff. Grrrrr,
she’s hot! You see, if the team loses enough games, she can break
out of a contract with the stadium and move the team.
She then signs ball players who nobody really wants.
People like Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger, known for his
work in The Substitute and Major League II), who’s
a has-been catcher with bad knees and Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn
(Charlie Sheen, known for his work in All Dogs Go to Heaven
2 and Major League II), who was in jail!
Well,
the team starts to get some wins, due to the fact that Ricky Vaughn
got some glasses. (He’s
not wild anymore, but people still call him that, I know I was confused
at first too, but I finally got it.)
The team finds out about Rachel Phelps plan to relocate the
team and decides to kick some more butt!
They
end up going to a final game to see if they can win the pennant.
They have to face the New York Yankees, who they have had
trouble with all year.
I’ll
leave it at that, as to not give the ending away to the few who
haven’t seen the movie yet. But
for those who hate sad endings...don’t worry, the Indians win!
Cliff
Reviews:
Genre
(Comedy):
The comedy is ok in this film. It seems a little dated though. There was this feel to it like I was in the
late 80’s, which is not where I want to be.
Definitely not The Air Up There, which is mid-90’s
type of comedy...the best around.
I decided to try some one of the jokes on people around the
city to see if the joke still works in today’s times.
Cliff
Rancho: How's your wife and my kids?
Grocery Bagger:
(Walks off)
Cliff
Rancho (yelling): How's your wife and my kids?
Construction Worker:
How’s your ass going to feel with my foot up it you little bitch,
I’m going to go beat your ass right now...(I ran off at this point)
Cliff
Rancho: How's your wife and my kids?
Waitress: Excuse
me?
Cliff Rancho: How's
your wife and my kids?
Waitress: That’s
very funny, now what do you want to eat?
Cliff Rancho: ...uhhh,
tuna sandwich.
Cliff
Rancho: How's your wife and my kids?
Joey Holt: (Punched
me!)
Well,
I can’t say the late 80’s comedy is still in. I don’t think anyone really got the joke.
Grade:
C+
Acting:
The acting is only good during the intense parts.
The parts where the actors really earn the money.
Parts like when pitcher Ricky Vaughn is about to throw the
final pitch for the Indians in the playoff game and Coach Lou Brown
(James Gammon, known for his work in Cabin Boy and Major League
II. I also think he is the
Quacker Oats guy) says under his breathe, “Forget about the curveball
Ricky, give him the heater!” Classic.
Or as they might say in Spanish, “Classico”.
Other
parts are great too, like the part when...well, I can’t think of any
other parts, but there are some great ones.
Grade:
Uhhh...B+
Sex:
We all know that movies without any good love scenes suck, so when
I’m reviewing a movie, sex scenes are crucial. Sorry to say, this movie doesn’t deliver the
goods. There is potential,
like when Roger Dorn’s (Corbin Bernsen, known for his work in Major
League II and Major League: Back to the Minors) wife sleeps with
Ricky Vaughn, but they only show the before and after scenes.
There
is also the part where Jake Taylor starts to get it on with his
ex-girlfriend Lynn Wells (Rene Russo, known for her work in The
Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle and Major League II), but then
they cut it abruptly.
There
are some nice shots of the ballplayers in their jockstraps and such...but
it’s not like us guys want to look at that...heh heh...
Grade:
A+, I mean...C+
Moral:
Finally, I have to look at the moral of the story and see if it
is a good one or bad one. The
reason is because I, Cliff Rancho, have a lot of fans out there
who don’t know the line between good and evil, so I always need
to take the time to try and show them.
This
movie’s moral had some hope of being good, but in the way that the
ballplayers conducted themselves during the season, I would have
to say that this has a bad moral.
It pretty much tells the kids that the only reason to win
a game is if the owner of your team is threatening to move the team.
If they cut out all that part and talked about how the team
gelled nicely throughout the season, then they might be on to something,
but they didn’t, so their lose.
Moral:
Bad, no moral point!
Cliff’s
final comments:
This
movie has so much potential, which only means that it doesn’t have
anything right now. And
seeing as how this is a movie that was made in 1989, I don’t think
they are going to do a revision of it and change all the parts that
need to be changed. Oh well
though, if you guys want to watch a great baseball movie, it still
is and always will be. Major League: Back in the Minors.
Rent it and ask yourself if comedy can get any better.
(Psst, the answer is no!)
Till
next time,
This
is,
Cliff
Rancho
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