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Cliff Rancho Goes to the Movie...Store!
Air Bud: 7th Inning Fetch
Hey
there, did ya think I left ya! No way, Cliff is back and ready to
write up a new column. I've been saving up for this one all summer…and
I'm serious about that, I really have been saving up my money. You
see, we (the world) are in a 'recession,' which basically means
that Commish Creighton doesn't want to throw down three bucks to
rent a movie for me. Look Commish, not all of us have fancy jobs
like 'wiffleball player,' some of us have to wait until Christmas
and birthdays to get hopefully get the new playstation game (yeah,
playstation, not PS2!!!).
Wow, that was
a bad start, I kinda went off right off the bat (pun INtended!!!
Haha) on some negative stuff there huh, definitely not a good hook.
All right, let
me start over…
I am
Cliff Rancho and I am going to do my second edition to the classic,
'Cliff Goes to the Movie…Store!' This time, I'm doing the hot new
movie out, Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch. It is
the fourth installment of the Air Bud series, following, Air
Bud, Air Bud: Golden Receiver and Air
Bud: World Pup. And in case you haven't followed what has
been going on in everyday life, soon, Disney will release Air
Bud: The DVD Collection, with all three of those movies!
Sticking to
my traditional writing style, I will first let you know of the plot,
then grade the genre, acting, sex and the moral standard.
So with that,
I hope you have all brought coats, cause it's cold outside and I'm
about to RAISE THIS ROOF!!!
Plot:
Wow, this may be confusing to you. All right, you got the Framms,
with Buddy (aka "Air Bud"), who live in the city, Fernfield,
Washington. I really think there are about 250 people that live
in this city. Young Josh (from the first three Air Bud's, Kevin
Zegers, known for his work in Free Willy
and Life with Mikey) is all grown up and is about
to leave and go to the University of Washington. His sister Andrea
(Caitlin Wachs, known for her work in My
Dog Skip and Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood)
is about to go off to junior high and is sad to see her brother
leave. I really think they had something magical going on between
them. When you watch them hug, it's not a sister/brother hug. It's
more of a Leo/Kate Winslet Titanic style hug, which bothered me
through out the movie. But hey, you can't blame her…I mean him.
Andrea
and her best friend Tammy (Chantal Strand, known
for her work in the TV shows, Sabrina the Animated Series
and Dragon Tales) try out for the baseball team,
which Tammy is really good at. Tammy pretty much black mails the
baseball coach, named Coach Crenshaw (Molly Hagan,
known for her work in Dallas: The Early Years and
Ringmaster, with Jerry Springer) into putting Andrea
on the team.
Let me get something
off my chest first. Tammy…yah, can I get a woof woof?! Damn, that
girl is UGGGGly! That girl could have been a stunt double for Buddy!
Hell, she could have been the stunt double for the stupid raccoon
too!
Anyway, Tammy
gets hurt, Andrea has to play and sucks badly. Andrea gets really
good with help from Buddy and becomes the star of the team. Buddy
joins the team in the middle of a game for no apparent reason and
no one at all has any sort of problem with it. I quote the coach
when Buddy comes running out onto the field, "Well, I'll be!" That
one is going to go into the 'classic cinema lines' vault along with
"Luke, I am your father" and "I got a Harley Davidson. Does that
turn you on? Harley Davidson?"
But
wait! In a truly remarkable job, the writers (mostly Robert
Vince, known for his work in MVP: Most Valuable
Primate and every Air Bud out there) also
throw in another story to the same movie. This involves these two
scientists who are out to get the genes from Air Bud and his pups
and make…ummm, something to give to humans so they can be as good
as an athlete as Air Bud. So they steal Air Bud and all his puppies
and…well, I'll just stop there. You are going to have to rent the
movie to find out the rest!
Cliff
Reviews:
Genre (Comedy, Family)
Well, I got to give a thumbs up on the comedy scale. They have this
WACKY umpire (Nicholas Harrison, known for his
work in Air Bud: Spikes Back (aka "the new
Air Bud") and Highlander) that is ALWAYS just
saying the craziest of things! Who can forget that crazy dog Air
Bud too. He's everywhere throwing out the one-liners like, "woof
woof!" or…"Bark Bark!" Make sure you're not drinking any milk while
you're watching this movie!!!
The
family part is ok, not great though. They have some parts that I
would not think kids should be watching. The whole brother/sister
love thing is a little overboard. The parents neglect the daughter
for the new baby, which the mom gives a half-ass apology for. But
in the end, it's still a family movie, cause Richard Karn
(known for his work in Home Improvement and the
new host of Family Feud) plays the dad.
Grade:
B+
Acting:
There are some touching moments that the kids sure do a great job
of pulling off. I never really cared too much for the acting of
Coach Crenshaw, but she was in a uniform, so that's good enough
for me! But the big thing was the baseball playing, which was just
horrible beyond belief. Have ya ever heard about those war movies
where the actors basically go to basic training before they start
shooting the movie? Well, the kids didn't really need to go to something
that strict, but if you're going to have Andrea be the star pitcher,
at least have her be able to throw a ball!
In
the final scene, where Andrea hits a shot over the head of the rightfielder,
the rightfielder does the best Timmy Lupus impression I have ever
seen. The kid FALLS DOWN running, can't even pick up the ball and
makes a crappy throw to the cut off man. Just brilliant.
Grade:
C-
Sex:
Unfortunately there is no real sex anywhere. Andrea doesn't have
a crush on anyone (except for her brother), the parents don't show
any sort of affection and we all know Andrea's best friend ain't
going to be getting any ass soon. On the bright side though, the
brother is H-O-T (for the ladies out there that is…)
Grade:
D+
Moral:
There are some pretty bad morals in this movie. I was thinking that
they would nail this part since it's a rated 'G' movie, but true
it is not. Like I mentioned earlier, the parents neglect Andrea,
Tammy (the best friend) blackmails the coach into putting Andrea
on the team, the parents are quick to forget about the brother by
moving his room into the attic and the team basically gives up when
Andrea doesn't show up for the last game. Yah, do I need to explain
anything else? I think the censors were probably anticipating their
lunch break and were quick to rate this movie.
Moral:
Bad, no moral point!
Cliff's
final comments:
This
movie had a lot of great fun in it at certain points. You can't
have the dog be in every scene, but when he wasn't in there, it
really hurt them. Robert Vince, the writer and producer, had a very
complex idea on his hand, and while it didn't turn out to be crap,
it wasn't a masterpiece by any means. I just have one note for Robert,
more dogs! You can never go wrong with more dogs!
Oh,
one final thing, most of you are wondering how Air Bud swings the
bat. Well, he grabs it with his mouth sideways, looks across the
batters box (so the bat is pointing towards the backstop), and when
the pitch comes, he just turns his head towards the pitcher. Pretty
simple, you wonder why the MLB hasn't capitalized on this.
Final
Grade: D+
Till next time,
This is,
Cliff
Rancho
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