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2000 Bi-Weekly Report (9-29-00)
Greg Creighton's future uncertain
After much speculation about Greg's future, the question remains
unanswered: Was 2000 Greg's final year in the league? Many suspected
that it was, seeing as how Greg would seem to announce after every
gameday that "this is my final season". However, when
questioned recently about whether he really was through, Greg jumped
on the defensive. "Who said I was retiring?," he asked.
He was told that HE said he was retiring after every gameday. This
was his response: "If and when I retire, I'll make an official
announcement. Just because I made some off-the-cuff comments when
the camera was off, it doesn't mean I'm really retiring."
Greg struggled through the 2000 season, hitting only .237 with 3
HR's and 9 RBI's in 91 AB's. These poor numbers
led to Greg unofficially announcing his retirement after every gameday.
For now, the world waits as one of the most popular and best looking
players in this league decides whether his career is through or
not.
Big shots acting up again
My god...they always come in bunches. Recently we've been getting
e-mails from tough guys across the nation explaining to us why we
suck. I must have forgotten asking the world on our site if we did
suck, but apparently it's written somewhere because people are bending
over backwards to answer it. They say they will, and I quote, "spank
[us] like two dollar whores in heat". Another guy said that
"you guys think your heela good but we'd give you an asskickin
so hard if you ever tried to play us". Another guy was polite
enough to let me know that "all you guys are ugly and are also
pussys".
Now...what should be our response? It's tough to find the motivation
to raise myself to the level that these geniuses exist on, and so
I don't. I just keep asking myself where I asked the question "Are
we good or do we suck?" on the site. I guess it does speak
volumes for the site though. People think we're bragging about our
talents simply because the page is so nice. I imagine the dialogue
between two of the geniuses stumbling upon our site going something
like this:
Genius 1: Hey, check out this wiffleball
page I found on yahoo! by searching for "wiffleball".
Genius 2: That's a pretty cool site...a lot better than yours.
Genius 1: Screw you! Just because they
don't have pop-up banners, it doesn't make them great! I have frames
on my site! Frames rock! And these guys don't even know how to put
a background color on their page. It's just white! Mine's yellow!
Genius 2: You're right. Hey look, they use that faggy Cosom
Fun Ball!
Genius 1: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a bunch
of faggy fags! Ooohh...look at this Scott Carmichael guy on the
front page, he thinks he's so bad because he can hit a faggy Cosom
Fun Ball.
Genius 2: Yeah, if he ever faced us with a real ball, we'd
strike him out every time!
Genius 1: Yeah...just cause he's on this
page he thinks he's god's gift to everything.
Genius 2: I got an idea...let's challenge them! We can call
them fags and pussies and make fun of their faggy ball!
Genius 1: YEAH! They'll definitely respond
to that!
Genius 2: Well...be careful, we don't want them to really
play us...we just wanna get our point across...the point that they're
fags cause their page is hella tight.
Genius 1: Right! Okay, here I go with
the typing...is "faggy pussy bitch" hyphenated?
And so on...
News and Rumors
--Every month that's not named "June" is when Clint
spends his off-season from wiffleball. This year, as will all previous,
he's spending it wrestling for Cornell University. After tearing
all three ligaments in his knee (a highly publicized injury I might
add), Clint still played great in his fourth season. Now that his
knee is about as close to 100% as it's going to get, Clint's doing
some more eyebrow raising. This past week he broke his personal
power-clean record...AGAIN when he put up an impressive 279 lbs.
Not bad. And for all you collegiate wrestling fans, be on the look-out
for Clint, the 9th-ranked 165 pounder in the nation, as he shoots
for All-American status. And just think...this is his OFF-season!
--Jeff Morrison finally got ahold with someone in
the league when he called Greg Creighton about a week after the
championships had ended and calmly asked "when's the next gameday?"
Sadly, Greg was too dense to actually ask where the hell Jeff had
been the past month and a half, so that is still unknown. We promise
to have the info before next season, tentatively scheduled for late-March.
Wish us luck.
--Play
of the Month voting for August is almost over! The last
step now is to take all the Play of the Month winners from April
to August, put them together, and have you dipshits vote for the
Play of the Year, an acknowledgement that in all reality means nothing,
but will give whoever wins SOME sort of bragging rights.
--Hopefully all (some) of you read Omar's
final column for us. It wasn't anything extraordinary, but
it was his last one, so that means something...I suppose.
--When asked if he had started working on his pitching,
Eric gave me a quizical look, as if to ask "why would I work
on my pitching?" After being reminded that he was the worst
pitcher this league has ever seen and he needs to work on his pitching,
Eric wised up and announced that no, he hasn't touched a wiffleball
since the season ended. Dedication folks, that's what Wiffleball2k
is all about.
--See ya.
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