|
2001 Bi-Weekly Report (4-5-01)
There's a Tori Amos album on in the background, so
forgive me if I sound considerably less masculine than usual. Or
should I say "more wimpy"? I'm usually a really tough
dude. Just look at that pic to the left!
Offensive Explosion
After the opening gameday, where rain, wind, and absense of sun
made it difficult to find a rythm with the bats, gameday #2 rolled
around. The weather was a nice 85 degrees. The rain was long gone,
and the wind was nowhere to be felt. The result was a bombardment
of homeruns. The Holy Whites combined to hit 16, The Horsemen hit
15, Wiffolution hit 6 and Y&R hit 5. And as you need to expect,
with hitters having huge days, pitchers suffered. Jeff Morrison
broke a record when he gave up 13 runs in one inning in the final
game. Dean Evans gave up all six runs in a 6-0 loss. Mike Walsh
hit 7 homeruns and drove in 9, but surrendured 5 HRs and 8 ERs.
Pretty much the only pitcher to escape relatively unscathed was
Carmichael, who gave up only one run in five innings. Now we sit
through a 3-week vacation before returning to the field on April
22nd. Wiffolution 51 has a bye, and the Road Warriors return to
action, hopefully with Darnell Uhland. How will the weather be?
Well, we'll just have to wait for the weather report in the paper
the day before and then expect the complete opposite. Draw your
own conclusions from that.
As for my team, I've already expressed my opinions, but I'll do
it one more time. We're looking really good, and I'm more confident
than ever that we'll be in the playoff hunt by season's end. I thought
it would take Seth more than 5 games to find his offense, but it
didn't, so we're in good shape. One of the things I'm most proud
of is the fact that neither Seth nor I walked a batter the entire
day. Not even a rejected walk. At no point during the day did we
throw ball four, and if we can keep that up (and possibly teach
Eric how to do it), it'll only help. I have no doubt that we can
now beat any team at any time. I couldn't honestly say that after
opening day.
Calendar news spreading throughout
the greater Chico area
While we do the dirty work in calendar-production, we still find
time to do the old fashioned advertising. Sure we're planning layouts
and poses, but we're still finding time to spread the word that
in a few months, they will all be viewable. 12 months that can either
hang on your wall or sit under your mattress will be available shortly,
in either black and white or color. And of course, since we're not
morons, we know where to start with the advertising. That's right...high
school girls. High school girls will buy anything if asked nicely
and with a smile. Then we hit the high school boys, so that they
can spread the word to other high school girls that we may have
missed.
We then might mention it to the females who go to college with us,
but under no circumstances do we suggest purchasing one. It's just
a conversation starter, and we HOPE they ask for one. We might tell
guy friends, but only if the mood is right and the friend is not
known to be a homophobe. We don't really talk about it a great deal
with parents, but believe me when I say you GOTTA hit the grandparents.
They too will buy anything if asked nicely and with a smile.
We don't tell our players to not let family friends know about the
calendar, but they're advised to only bring up the subject with
family friends that DON'T already take them seriously. If these
friends do, and they see one of our guys sittin atop a tractor with
nothing but hot pants on in the name of wiffleball, all respect
is lost and nearly impossible to gain again.
No one's advised to really hit up blind people either, unless the
blind person is a grandparent, cause like I said, they'll buy anything!
Blind high school girls are a bit harder sell though, for whatever
reason. Strangers usually couldn't care less about a calendar of
half-naked 20 year-old...guys. Go figure. Little kids never seem
to have any money on them, so they're pretty much useless and not
in our radar.
Playoff news
The Holy
Whites are at the top of the standings, with an impressive
5-1 mark.
Wiffolution
51 dropped 2 of 3 but still remain in second with a 3-3
mark.
The Horsemen
took 2 of 3 last week and are now a still-not-good 2-4.
The Y&R
and the Road
Warriors are both 1-2, and looking to improve on that.
For more info, check out the standings.
News and Rumors
--Fantasy Wiffleball is really shaping up. Scott Carmichael's dad
has a team, but it's in 24th place out of 25!! Some guy named John
Deatrick is currently in first place overall, and is looking forward
to his personal calendar of 12 half-naked...guys. Keep it going
John, you still have 13 gamedays to maintain that lead!!
--James Vassar returned for good, which
was music to the Y&R's ears. He didn't play as well as he is
capable, but he is nonetheless an asset. He currently leads the
pitching-inept Y&R with a 4.00 ERA. Look for James pitching
and batting numbers to be improving over the next few gamedays.
--The other night, I was very fortunate
to have found all the old papers that held the boxscores for ALL
games from '94-'98. I was frightened that I might have misplaced
them (read: lost them). I have them though, and will until I lose
them again. With that, let me announce that I soon plan on finding
out ALL the records for our league. Not season highs, because I
can spout those off the top of my head. I'm talking "most BB's
in a game" type of records. The kind no one cares about but
make your site seem even bigger. People love trivial information.
It makes you look organized if you can tell them trivial shit about
what happened in game 7 in 1996 (With 2 scoreless innings and a
3-5 performance at the plate, Terry led Casey and himself to a 2-1
victory over Joey Creighton and a not-good-yet Nate Stuempfig, who
went 0-8 and gave up both runs). Impressed? I told you!
--Also thanks to that, you can now
look forward to even more installments of "Flashback!",
where we remember some of the best games in the history of our league.
Not best as in..."best", but best in terms of most memorable.
You know what...let me rewrite that.
--Also thanks to that, you can now
look forward to even more installments of "Flashback!",
where we remember some of the some of the most memorable games in
the history of our league. Much better.
--Later, enjoy the site...please.
|
