SWINGERZ GOLF
VIDEO GAME REVIEW
GC, 2002
By Darnell Uhland
Dis
my first review for anythin' on dis site, so if you see gangsta
slang, get used to it.
Swingerz
Golf is da type of arcade game you would want to play if you want to get
away from da old similation type of gamez and getz you into 18 exhilirating
holez with da use of power-up clubz, power-up ballz, and caddiez dat look
like Zack Morris when he's at da beach. Dis game has a variety of
game play optionz, golferz, caddiez, and coursez dat you can play. As
I played dis game I began to go back to my rootz and realize why I fell
in love with da game of golf (okay...I never fell in love wit' golf).
In
order to access all of da golferz, coursez, power-upz, and caddiez you
need to gather a certain amount of starz, gathered by winning tournamentz and match play. Now since
it takesz enough hourz to give one a seizure to access all of da golferz,
I was not able to access all of da extraz, but I will tell you
about all of da thingz that I did get.
Golferz
I
originally labeled dis section "Playerz" but da Young and
the Restless, I mean da Longballs, or whoever dey is now changed dare namez to da so called playerz and dey
ruined da name.
Anywayz
you start off wit' two golferz, da Japanesse pop star Yoshiki, who
is 18 years old, but a gamer, and Miho, a young Japanesse girl who is
weak in strength, but strong in control. Da game getz fun when you get
some extra golferz.
Sonny
is all-american. He has as much power as da Harley Davidson he ridez to
da course in. Dis guy can give you an eagle opportunity at anytime, and
when he does he pumpz you up by saying "oh yeah" in a manly
voice of course. Lisa is a former air force pilot and she can kick some
bootie. Don't get on her bad side or she'll turn your head
into a golf ball. This girl is hardcore, I mean she does push-upz and
claimz she needz more training after making a par. Carlos is a punk and
I made quick work out of da so called street smart kid from Mexico. Just
a word to Carlos dough--dat pink and yellow don't look good on ya,
play me when you become a real man.
Da
last golfer I had access to was Lorraine. Lorraine, aldough I lost everytime
I played as her, I couldn't get enough of her fine French lookin
self. I mean dis girl movez dose hipz and bounces and oh I had to get
out my French translator and speak dirty with her (She still hasn't
responded yet to my comments).
Caddiez
I only used one caddy, da Zach Morris lookin
Shane from Austrailia. Dis guy is dope. He givez you advice on da club (and in da club) to use and when you're on da
green, he tellz you where to aim. It doesn't get much better dan when Shane lookz at you and enthusiastically
sayz "Come on!" If you miss your shot after a speech like
dat, Anthony Robbins couldn't help you.
Oh
and by da way, Hanako is an ignorant loud mouth dat never shuts up, and
belongs in da kitchen of an insane asylum and Yuki is an idiot dat couldn't
be a caddy at a miniature golf course.
Graphicz
The graphicz on this game are sikq. The
viewz of the coursez, the camera work when your teeshot comez at you and appearz to break your TV screen, and Lorraine,
have I said dat shez hotter dan a plate of hotwater cornbread? If you
love graphicz, dis is a game you'll love, almost as much as I love
lookin at Lorraine.
Sound
Suckz, annoying, turn down volume, before
you break your TV.
Score
Between even and 10 under par, I give dis
game a 6 under par, because da game is fun, the graphicz are phat, and Lorraine makez my mouth water more dan a plate full of grandma's
fried chicken.
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