CRASH BANDICOOT: THE WRATH OF CORTEX
VIDEO GAME REVIEW
GC, 2003
The
highly anticipated Gamecube review for Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex
is here. It took me over two lazy months to compile a review worthy enough
to put on the site. It also took a gun to my head from the Commish. I
do find it ironic that when I was in school, I wrote my reviews on time,
but now that there is no school work to procrastinate on, I procrastinate
on this. Enough with my life story, let's talk about the surprise game
of the year.
Crash
Bandicoot is back and he is teamed up with his sister Coco and friendly
companion Aku Aku. Aku Aku is an annoying floating wooden mask. What kind
of freaking sidekick is a wooden mask? I’d rather have the Taco
Bell Chiauawa shouting "Yo quiero Taco Bell" than this wooden
mask by my side.
These
three plan on defeating Crash’s evil arch nemesis, Dr. Neo Cortex
and Aku Aku’s so called evil twin, Uka-Uka. These two are joined
by evil people that really have no significance. Uka-Uka has all of these
things here as they are planning a scheme as if it was Scott Carmichael
trying to set a scheme to fend off contenders for his home run crown.
Dr. Cortex has created a machine that is an evil alter ego of Crash named
Crunch. His mission is to crunch Crash. To help Crunch, Uka-Uka has released
the elementals (named fire, water, air, earth), who once terrorized our planet. If all
goes as planned Carmichael wins the HR crown and Dr. Cortex and Uka-Uka
reign on earth.
Although
Crash has no effect on whether or not Carmicheal wins the HR crown, but
he can put a “crash” (You like that? I thought of that myself.) into the plans of the evil
man and mask. Crash and Coco use the guidance of Aku Aku (I getting tired
of writing these names, it's like giving up nine runs in one inning to
the Playerz) and weapons and vehicles.
The
vehicles and weapons are where the fun stuff comes to play. The weapons
also include special powers, like the super double jump. This power allows
you to get some mad ups. I mean you jump high enough to where you could
rob a roof shot off of the garage, but with the double jump, you jump
even higher and you could rob the first ever top-story roof shot (That
would actually suck, because I would like to see that). My favorite weapon
though is the bazooka, because of the obvious reason, you can blow enemies
up with great precision.
As
for the vehicles, Crash has access in specific levels with a glider with
cannons, a helicopter backpack, driving a jeep or submarine, or you can
put yourself in a Robocop like suit. Coco has access to a skateboard and
snowboard. Each one of these vehicles are easy to control and fun to use.
I
believe this is the surprise game of the year, because anyone can play
it and many will think it’s fun. It looks cheesy but it is exhilarating.
Ashley Uhland claims “I love this game. I liked The Sims, but it
doesn’t compare to this.” I believe this is the perfect game
for anyone, especially if you’re babysitting. You can use the game
as a tool for easy money, because any five year old will spend the whole
night entrapped in the presence of the cartoonish Crash Bandicoot. While
you make money with the kid playing the game, you watch the big game on
the big screen while having a smoke and a pancake.
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