|
Surprise Surprise
As much as it may seem that I enjoy being able to write
on this topic, I do not. On Saturday July 8th, I made the trek from L.A.
to Chico to catch the All-Star Weekend. I wanted to see the Homerun Derby.
I wanted to see if James could elevate his homerun hitting to another level. I wanted to see if Mickey
could hang with the big boys. I wanted to see if Joey could repeat. I
wanted to see the Rookie Game. I wanted to see if Darnell or Seth could
start hitting the ball. I wanted to see the All-Star Game. I wanted to
see Casey step to the plate for the first time as an All-Star. I wanted
to see Joey vs. Scott for the 427th time. I wanted to see, again, if Mickey
could hang with the big boys. I wanted to see the women's game...and just
how bad it could be.
Sadly, I was not able to, for you see, there was no women's
game. You're probably asking why, and probably because you're ignorant.
If you didn't see this coming a mile away, slap a sticker on your forehead
that says "jackass", because that is what you are. I wrote a
column not too long ago that spelled out with incredible accuracy why
women should not be given the chance to play. It was met with mixed reactions--mixed
meaning the women hated it while the men couldn't stop praising it. Sure
it was harsh, but in this day in age, you aren't given the time of day
if you aren't harsh. A prime example of that is my colleague Omar Gooding.
The men surrounding this league needed someone to put on a jock, step
to the plate, and let women know that they don't DESERVE a shot at us.
I realized that if I didn't do it, no one would, so I stepped into the
extra-large, felt the snug fit, and hit
a homerun. So...in a fit of "political correctness",
the commissioner of this league compromised, found a middle ground, and
let the women get a game. While the women wanted a whole season, the men
wanted the ladies to just stand on the side...naked. Commish Creighton
played peacemakeer, gave the women one game, and let it occur on the most
fabulous day of the season, the All-Star Weekend.
Once
the Commish announced the Women's Game, I knew it wouldn't work. However,
I kept my trap shut and wrote about Clint
Wattenberg instead. I knew that the game was not going to be played
and wanted to enlighten everyone who was missing out on what I knew. However,
I again kept my trap shut and had an easy
debate with Omar Gooding instead. Maybe Don Jeffcoat was willing to
give the women just one chance to prove themselves. Well, the women took
that chance, threw it in with the laundry, and watched it disintegrate.
The commissioner of this league was only able to find two women to play
in the game. One was his girlfriend, and one was Clint Wattenberg's girlfriend.
The person responsible for this crap called "Women's Game",
Katie Crabb, was out of town (how convenient), while all other potential
players were "working". Instead of trying to scrap together
some clusterfuck of a game at the last second, Commish Creighton wisely
simply scrapped the idea altogether and changed the All-Star Weekend back
to it's original, and true, state.
I can be honorable and simply let the women know that
they are lucky that the game never occured. Since no game was played,
all of you women can continue to sign our guestbooks and write us e-mails
expressing how great you are and how you're better than us. No women came
out, meaing no women played, meaning no women absolutely sucked ass, meaning
you can all go on running your mouth...at least until Ally McBeal comes
on. And all this talk about women playing topless. If anyone thought THAT
was going to happen, slap a sticker on your forehead that says "Chico
State Grad", beacause that is what you are...or will be..maybe. Women
proved to all the fans of this site that they could talk one hell of a
game, but when push comes to shove, the last thing they can do is walk
the walk.
So
where does that leave us? Luckily, it leaves us smack dab where we were
BEFORE the idea of women playing was even considered. Women got a chance,
and repayed the men by screwing it all up. It leaves the Commish with
a phone list of a bunch of irresponsible women. It leaves women with no
chance at ever getting another shot at stardom. It leaves me with bragging
rights and again, with more ammo to shoot my detractors with. I still
feel pity for some people. Those who don't see my logic. Those who think
I am dumb. Those who think women's sports are cool. Those who watch MTV
on a regular basis, meaning more than once a week. Those that are women.
And finally, those that actually thought that this league was going to
have a Women's Game at the All-Star Weekend.
Some people will believe anything.
|
