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The Hurt
The Hurt can be one of many things. For the purposes
of this article, The Hurt is both the name of Scott
Carmichael's bat for the upcoming season, and what Scott
plans on giving to Wiffolution
51 this upcoming season. And take it from me, The Hurt
can be both painful and humiliating at the same time. I have more
career AB's against Scott than any other player in the league. Scott
has probably hit more homeruns off me than he has against any other
pitcher. He's a pretty damn good hitter, and I'd be lying if I said
he wasn't the least bit intimidating.
Hey,
but at least he doesn't HATE me!!! Wiffolution 51? That's a different
story. You may ask why, for it seems Wiffolution 51 is one of the
most difficult teams to dislike. They're all nice guys, they refrain
(somewhat) from talking trash, and make sure to never burn bridges.
In other words, they were quick to make enemies with Scott. Scott
read over what was written about them for the debut of the site,
and apparently, he didn't like it.
"They make me sick," says
Scott. "All this damn talk about "team ball" this
and "team ball" that. You wanna know what I consider team
ball? It's me hitting 50+ homeruns and leading the Holy
Whites to the playoffs." Well it's one thing to
simply disagree with a team's strategic style of play, but it's
another to derive disgust with a team based on heir strategic style
of play. Scott has got both going on.
"I'm not the kind of guy who's
going to step on the field, shake some hands, say 'let's have a
good one' and play hard. I'll play hard, but I'm not going to shake
your hand and, even if the score is 15-0 in my favor, I'm not about
to let up. No mercy," states Scott, seemingly foaming at the
mouth at finally getting to face Casey
Sylvester and Wiffolution 51. "I want them to fear
me, and by opening day, I'll be getting what I want. The last thing
they're going to want to see is me and 'The Hurt' (Scott's bat)
stepping to the plate." If that's the case, then Wiffolution
51 should be living in fear for opening day, where the Holy Whites
will face them at the end of the day. Well, you'd THINK they'd be
living in fear.
"Ha...I...uhh...honestly don't
know what to say," says Wiffolution member Jeff
Morrison. "I have no problems with Scott, Mike,
Nate, or Ian. I'm sorry Scott hates us so much, and I hope it's
nothing I've ever said that pissed him off so much." It probably
isn't you Jeff, rather your teammate, Casey, who lives with Scott
and fellow wifflers Derek
Byrd and Aaron
Kemper. Upon inspecting Casey's
room, I noticed that he had "D-Day" written three times
on his wiffleball schedule, beside three separate gamedays. I asked
Casey what that was all about.
"Uhh, apparently, that's when
Scott is going to destroy our team...you know, 'D-DAY'?" replied
Casey, in a sort of indifferent manner. He didn't seem too impressed.
One could point to frustration as Scott's motivation. He's been
to two separate playoffs, only to be eliminated in both of them.
He struggled heavily against Casey last year, going 1-14 all year
off him. "Last year was a season-long slump," says Scott,
"and Casey benefited. Even if I struggle against him this season,
I can rest easy knowing that Wiffolution 51 have three other players
who are all shitty-ass pitchers. They'll be straining their neck
all year watching my jacks leave the yard."
Whatever the reason for Scott's hatred
towards Wiffolution 51, all I know is that personally, I am on the
Horsemen.
If Scott beats Wiffolution all over the field, then that's one less
team for my team to worry about come playoff time. So I say...Holy
Whites...Wiffolution...back to your corners. I want a good clean
fight, and I don't want a draw. I want you both to come out swinging,
and I don't want anyone slowing up until one of you guys are down
on the ground, unable to get up.
Or, if at all possible, both of you.
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