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Loyal Veteran Has Seen It All
Since 1998, Nate
Stuempfig has been one of the most impressive hitters
in the league, hitting .322 with 33 HRs in 326 ABs. His pitching
numbers have been equally impressive. Since 1998, his ERA has been
2.42, thanks largely in part to an amazing breaking ball and topnotch
velocity. As we embark on our first-ever season with set teams,
Nate is one of the most experienced and hardworking players in the
league. We know he's with us, he's got our back, and he's willing
to help in any way possible. We caught up with him and got his thoughts
on a variety of topics, including, of course, steroids.
CC: So Nate...you had a fairly
successful 2001 debut with the bat. How were you feeling?
NS: I was actually a little surprised to be honest. I thought
my pitching would be way better because I hadn't swung a bat since
my pathetic winterball performance. After my first hit though, I
felt the juices flow through me, like a good workout...on roids.
CC: You made about...five people
happy in the fantasy league, who scored big points thanks to you.
Why don't you give them a shot out?
NS: Hey, thanks for the love. I'll do my best to get you
big points when I can play.
CC:
How do you feel about your team, the Holy
Whites?
NS: We definitely have a good shot of going all the way.
Don't want to jinx anything though.
CC: Any particular thoughts
about your teammates?
NS: I love being able to root for Scott
(Carmichael) instead of having to play against him. Same
thing with Mike
(Walsh). I fear facing Mike in Water Baseball so it's
nice to have some team camaraderie for a change. I don't know Ian
(Byrd) very well but he seems cool.
CC: What team do you think will
give your team the most trouble?
NS: I think Joey
(Creighton) and Seth
(Yoder) are like a roid's addiction, they're hard to
beat. They both throw smoke and it looks like Seth has busted out
of his hitting shell.
CC: Are you or have you been
impressed with any particular player(s)?
NS: Scott and Joey are always impressive. Dean
Evan's bat was surprising to me while Yoder's stroke
improved too. Mike Walsh is for real I think
CC: Yeah, so do I. Do you have
a date set for your next return? What can you tell us, if anything?
NS: Unfortunately, it looks like I won't be back for a while.
I had a little body sculpting interruption. My doctor said I had
high amounts of liver toxicity due to excessive amounts of testosterone.
I have to refrain from the Megs for two weeks. When I heard this
news I slipped into a little depression and then extreme anger due
to steroid withdrawal, so I won't be able to return until I get
my body back into form and I get a clearance from my psychiatrist.
CC: Is there any form of a rivalry
between you and Mike Walsh from the old Water Baseball League?
NS: Yes and no. We both want each other to do well, but personally,
we each want to do a little better than the other.
CC: What month do you plan on
being for the upcoming 2002 calendar?
NS: Any month that's really far away from Clint
Wattenberg. That guy is so yoked it's incredible. I'm
glad I was able to help him pass his drug tests for wrestling at
Cornell.
That way he can work out and really bulk up.
CC: Any particular locales or
poses you've been thinking of?
NS: Maybe on a bear-skin rug, or in bed, or perhaps my house
(a.k.a. the weightroom)
CC: Just how MUCH steroids do
you use?
NS: I'm supposed to be on none. My doctor told me to lay
off due to my deteriorating liver, but I caved into the urge last
night around midnight. I had to bust open that sweet Meg2000 advanced
formula and mix it with a Creatine shake. Normally though, I like
to take a few grams a day. Unless I'm working out, then I like it
titrated through my blood stream intraveinously.
CC: Just how much CAN you bench?
NS: I don't really know. I tried a school bus (with 65 kids
and a driver in it) but it's tough to find anyone to spot me so
while I was finding my grip, the bus nearly drove over my face.
I would like to be able to lift it one day. I guess, to answer the
question, something like...2,225 pounds.
CC: Who do you think is the
hottest guy in the league, and why?
NS: Everybody thinks it's Greg
Creighton but I don't see what the fuss is about. Sure
he's distinguished and suave but that's just not my type.
CC: You never really answered
the question, but okay. I'm gonna switch gears here and get a bit
more serious...what do you consider your greatest accomplishment
in this league so far?
NS: I've always been proud of the Most Improved Player of
the year award. I think I showed I could play with the big boys
that year. I was also very proud of last year's season. I felt like
I finally had a season that reflected my talent.
CC: What more does Nate have
left to do in his career?
NS: Everything. The year I lead the league in every offensive
category, hit 1.000, and have a 0.00 ERA will be the year I am finally
satisfied with myself.
CC: Do you miss Matt Holmberg?
NS: Yes. I miss the "Rug 'O Love."
Wish I saw him more. Kinda lost touch with him.
CC: How about Juan Lugo?
NS: I miss hitting off him.
CC: Casey Sylvester's brother,
Ryan Sylvester? Miss him?
NS: Who the hell is that guy?
CC: He was Casey's bro...played
in one game back in...'98 I think...nevermind. One last question...what
is your fondest memory of your playing days with us so far?
NS: Too many to recall really. I think overall I enjoyed
seeing the league blossom into what it is now from the 6 man Water
Baseball league it was so long ago. Overall, I think it's the player's
personalities are what have made this league so special to me.
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