|
Scatch Maroo, Volume III
Scatch Maroo here, and as I delve myself into the world
of Wiffleball I meet more and more interesting people every day.
As we all know, in my last article I talked about how I’d be devoting
this one to the slaughter of BSS Wiffleball; unfortunately, that would
be a tad difficult because everyone’s favorite bastard-child, Tim Castro,
fixed the damn thing. It may not be close to the Wiffleball2k that he
so obsesses over, but it doesn’t take a few hours any more to load up
the any of the pages (at least, so I think). Granted, I don’t pay much
(any) attention to Wiffleball, or what makes it a good sport (or a good
web site) but as long as he clings to the testicles of Wiffleball2k he
probably won’t be laughed at… too much.
Boy was I baffled to learn that Omar Gooding and Donnie
Jeffcoat knew the folks from Wiffleball2k. Was I surprised because of
the low-standards they have for the people they hang out with? No. I was
surprised to see these two washed-up actors still showing their faces
in public. Last time I saw Donnie Jeffcoat was on ‘The Daily Show’ (back
when Da Man, Craig Kilborn, was hosting the show) when he was picked most
likely ‘to become a heroin addict, marry a monkey, and shoot a lamp post’.
That’s one hell of a title, isn’t it? I’ve been told Donnie’s moved on
to a soap opera, and although that may pay the bills, he deserves a savage
beating for that thing he calls a web
site. I haven’t seen anything so horrendous since the last time I
saw Oprah mating with a gorilla (or was she just doing exercises?). I’m
guessing you’ve all seen him on "Wild and Crazy Kids", where him, Omar
Gooding, and one of two other broads hosted a show of kids performing
extremely gay acts and such. What I’d like to know is: did the parents
of these "hosts" kick the shit out of the producers, and were
your family members held hostage? Why else would you host this ridiculous
show? I seriously doubt you were paid a large sum of money and even if
you were, it’s not a very good excuse.
Omar Gooding gets a bit more credit, but not much. I did
see him in Boyz in the Hood (I swear to God that was Omar Gooding…the
one fat kid who doesn’t get shot), and I saw him a few years back in a
bubble gum commercial, with a big-assed turtle. I don’t know if he’s currently
working now, but I’ve heard he’s going to star in a show on the WB. Everyone
knows that’s a step down from unemployment, but a step up from knocked-up
crack whore. Last I saw, Omar Gooding may have been a crack whore, but
I doubt (hope) he doesn’t have the ability to become pregnant. The WB?
WTF is that, man? Every show on there is supposed to ‘speak to the black
community’, but all they do is insult it in an attempt at ratings. What
grandfather has ever said, "I gots to get muh gat from da hood, nigga!"
Omar, take everyone’s advice, and just shoot yourself. You’ll be doing
the world, as well as yourself a favor, and just think of all the small
children you’ll make happy.
I must say I’ve been disappointed at the lack of flames
by Rat
Man, the Pedophile,
and everyone else in the league of wiffleball. Is it possible that they’ve
cleared up those chemicals out of Chico’s water supply? Doubtful, but
possible. I recently heard Mickey was talking to James, and said something
like "Hey, let’s get that Scatch guy into a chat room and go off on him."
To my amazement, James replied with a "Shut the fuck up". A fucking chat
room? Are you truly that stupid Mickey? How can you pay the rent, let
alone unlock the door if you think flaming me inside a chat room is going
to do a damn thing? I’ve given you my e-mail address, my Aol IM name,
I’ve posted on the guest book, and the best thing you can think of is
to flame me in a chat room? Good God, I’d hate to see you keep score of
a game. One team would win before the second inning (if you have that
many innings).
Sadly, I’m running out of material because you jackasses
have wised up, and stopped talking! Does this mean I have to learn this
awful game, and make fun of your horrible playing skills?
...maybe.
-Scatch Maroo
|
