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Skyla
Boy Review: Val Kilmer
Hello
to all my cutie-pie readers out there! It's been a long time, hasn't it?
I have taken a liking to the message board this here site has, so feel
free to send any comments that way!
The
league is having a celebration of sorts, I guess. All they told me was,
"Skyla, we need to you to review these two guys." Included were
two pictures. One was of some really short guy I didn't recognize. One
was of Val Kilmer, better known for his jaw-dropping performance in "Top
Gun," the movie that made it cool to play beach volleyball with jeans
on. And, of course, no shirt!!!!!
Seriously
though, his name is Val Kilmer, and here's my review of him.
Boy:
I'm
sure you all know who Val Kilmer is. He was in "Top Gun," as
mentioned, and many other movies. "The Saint," "The Doors,"
"Tombstone," etc. To this day, I think he's the only guy who
could play Jim Morrison. And just so you know, I got it on in the theatre
the night I saw "The Doors." It was during the credits. The
fella I was with thought he was doing something right, but to me, all
I saw was Val!! Whatta night!!! LOL!
Seriously
though, if you haven't figured out by now, I'm big on Val Kilmer. And
I've spent many nights dreaming he was big on me! LOL! ;)
Personality:
Val
has shown tremendous range as an actor. He's played nice guys, jerks,
mysterious guys, etc. You name it, he's played it. But really, it doesn't
get ANY better than "Ice Man." Ahhhhhh....
You
see, "Ice Man" was near-perfect. Dirty blond hair (the fact
that it was short is one of the only flaws), ripped bod, cocky attitude,
and a killer instinct. You could tell he could carry his weight at the
bar. He could handle a few cold ones, unlike our good friend Warrick
Davis.
Watch
him operate in that movie and you can tell: Val Kilmer was put on this
earth to please women. Guys, think back to all your past girlfriends,
and think of your current girlfriend. Trust me when I say this:
ALL
OF THEM WANTED ICE MAN. ALL OF THEM.
Tom
Cruise wasn't bad either, but that whole post-Goose crisis was a major
downer. Ice Man was the rock that held the fort.
Physical:
The
one flaw I mentioned above is the fact that Kilmer was sporting a relatively
short cut. Most of you have probably figured out that I like longer hair.
While this is true, I can adapt. But still, I don't really have to, cause
the man's proven he can pull of the long look. He's done it for numerous
films!! And guess what! It looks good!!
Seriously
though, a lot of people say that Kilmer is a poor woman's Brad Pitt. This
couldn't be further from the truth. I'll admit in a heartbeat that Brad
Pitt is a piece of ass, but you see, he's completely whipped by that Jennifer
Aniston slut. Totally! She's got him wrapped around her finger! How can
she deal with that on a daily basis. Sure, he's nice on the eyes, but
when he's all "yes dear" 24/7, doesn't it get old? Aren't you
waiting for him to just snap? I am!! :)
Kilmer,
on the other hand, doesn't fall prey to the whip of a woman. How do I
know? Exactly, I don't!!! He doesn't live his life as publically as Mr.
Pitt, which allows me to PRETEND that he likes to take charge while bumping
uglies. I bet Brad Pitt spends his entire session on his back, watching
his wife do all the work. Kilmer? Now there's an adventure! Yeah baby!!
:O
Summation:
Beauty
is in the imagination of a woman. Sure, any woman can see that Kilmer's
got the looks. But what he does so great is allow women the chance to
imagine the man he really is. With stunning roles in movies like "Top
Gun," it isn't hard to see how most women think of him.
Quickie
Do-Able Scale |
| Boy |
Rating |
| Tom Cruise, 1986 |
88 |
| Tom Cruise, 2003 |
51 |
| Snoop Dogg |
59 |
| Marv Albert |
18 |
| Randy Johnson |
27 |
|
Calm,
jacked, and cocky. Perfect. And you KNOW he's packing the ol' armadillo
;)
Do-Able
Scale (out of 100):
VAL
KILMER: 96
Excuse me, I need to go change my underwear.
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