Skyla

Boy Review: Ben Affleck

Okay, so I haven't done one of these reviews for like...over 2 months! I'm sorry, but like I said in the board thingy, I have an excuse!

You see, I have this boyfriend. Well, I should say I HAD this boyfriend, cause we haven't spoken for like...a week and a half now. He was great...what women like me dream of. Well, not really what we dream of, but as close as we can get where I come from! ;)

Seriously though, he was pretty cool. We'd go out a few times a week to our favorite bar and just...you know, get hammered and stuff. But then this one night, he got all crazy on me!!1 I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary either. I always flirt with guys around me, whether or not I'm with a "boyfriend." It's something I discuss with potential suitors. So I was doing a little of that, no more than usual. And I had just gotten off the mechanical bull, and he just went ballistic on me!

He was accusing me of this, of that, and of the other thing, and in front of everyone!! I was afraid he was going to start knocking me around, but luckily some of the bouncers approached him and promptly tossed him out. So I followed him out. J/K!!!!! ;p

Seriously though, he called the next day, but I wasn't hearing that, so he got mad again, and then calmed down a few hours later, and so on and so on. He was saying how he spent all our formative...dates trying his hardest not to let his jealous side come out, and then it did, and he said he was working on it, blah blah blah blah blah. But guess what! Skyla has no time for that!

So I told the chump to stop calling me until he knew he could handle me! :)

But there's more than one point to the story. You see, during this league All-Star Weekend, they put up some "celebrity picks," trying to deceive the less intelligent that they had various celebrities writing in with their picks for the day's various events. One of those celebrities was Ben Affleck, and the league proceeded to make fun of the man. Why? I'll tell you, because the league is full of JEALOUS LITTLE MEN. Just like that guy I was dating.

This league is jealous of my boy Ben and I'm going to explain to you why.

Boy:

I don't need to tell you who Ben Affleck is. Movie star, hunk, man of J-Lo, piece of ass, occassional humorist, and all around God. He became really well known with a stellar performance in "Good Will Hunting," (which he also wrote), but you could have caught him in some earlier movies. For instance, he was in "Dazed and Confused." A little less hot, but in it nonetheless. More recently he's been seen making J-Lo one of the luckiest women on the planet as well as starring in movies movies movies. Seriously though, this guy's in like four movies a year, and despite what the men from this site want you to believe, he gets respect from more than just 12 year-old girls. Do I look like a 12 year-old GIRL?

Personality:

Ben Affleck is one of those rare guys who doesn't even need a personality. Guys, women are sometimes down with the occassional one night stand (although not as often as you desperate losers), and when we are, don't think we give a damn about your personality. If we've committed to a one night stand, then please...just shut up. No more jokes, no more witty stories, just be quiet.

Oh and please, don't bother calling the next day, cause we don't care. We don't want to talk to you, so don't bother acting all chivalrous.

Seriously though, with Ben, he CAN call us in the morning. He can call us whenever he pleases and we'll be at his beck and call. He doesn't need to tell us jokes, he doesn't need to be a "bad boy," he doesn't even need to be nice most of the time. Why?

Because he's that damn hot! :)

As it is though, Ben's personality is just fine. A little scholarly, a little attitude, a little humor...plus that fine looking package and you basically have every woman's dream. Guys...GET OVER IT. He can have what you will always want.

Physical:

Seriously...look at basically any picture of the guy. He's amazingly beautiful. And he's got range. He can be that nerd in the polo shirt, he can be the yuppie in the tux, or he can be rugged with some tight jeans and a hat...any way you slice it, Ben Affleck is better looking than you are.

He's really in a league of his own alongside Brad Pitt. With a gun to my head, I'd probably take Pitt because of the muscles (we've all seen Ben minus a shirt...he's not ripped or anything, and I know you've all seen "Fight Club"), but they're pretty much tied in every other category.

Is that what it is guys? You don't see why he's such a babe because he's not carrying around a gym rat's physique? Well guess what...your muscles aren't getting us off, so most of the time spent at the gym is a waste of your time unless you're working out for purely health reasons (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, yeah right).

Women like muscles of course, but in NO WAY does it determine whether or not we "hook up" with you. It's just a nice side dish that comes with what we really want. You might have muscles (although I've seen the wiffleball site...most don't), but you don't have what we REALLY WANT. Wanna know what that is?

Just look at my boy Ben.

Summation:

Jealousy is a terrible thing, and I ask you all to quietly drop the mission to poke fun at Ben Affleck until you're blue in the face. My ex-boyfriend learned the hard way that I don't take too kindly to jealousy. And when I saw the site making fun of Ben, I wasn't too happy either.

You may not like the guy (for dumb reasons), but the man makes my hair curl. And he's about as doable as they get.

Do-Able Scale (out of 100):

BEN AFFLECK : 99

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