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Preseason Fill-Ins
Here
it is, my first column as a writer...not a player. With legendary
columnists like Cliff Rancho, Dr. Rapp and Steve Caputo having written
for the site, I wanted to make a big impact on my first column.
After I talked a little with the commissioner, I told him that I
wanted to write a column that would expand on the concept that it's
good that we use white cosom fun balls instead of red, blue or yellow
(the other colors available). I had already made a list and was
ready to get going. This wasn't going to be just an ordinary column
too! I was only going to have one sentence for each paragraph, then
scramble them all up, so you, the viewer, had to figure out which
sentence went where. If you have seen the movie, "Following", then
you know what I'm talking about.
Joey
then informed me that the article would be incredibly stupid and
nobody would read it. I'm still learning! My next idea was to completely
rip off Bill Simmons, an ESPN Page 2 writer. My idea was to take
his column where he talked about the Red Sox team and place every
player in a category and do that for all of the WB2k2 players. But
be warned WB2k2 players: I'm not playing anymore, I don't live in
Chico anymore and if I visit Chico, I'm not going to hang out with
your sorry ass, so don't whine too much. (But if you do, take it
to message board!)
So sit back and watch me rip-off Mr. Simmons and suck at it big
time...
The
Rev'ed Up Guy: Derek Byrd
After the last game
of the season, Derek Byrd proclaimed that he had quit the league
because he had a job where he would work
on Sundays, didn't want to commit every other Sunday to wiffleball
and was tired of getting his pitching rocked...something to those
lines. But now, after 5 months of no wiffleball, he's back and ready
to kick some ass! This happens every year, with pretty much every
player, but there is usually only one that proclaims, "I'm quitting
this league, I'm serious". Derek is that man, but it's OK, because
he's back!
The
Washed Up Guy: Joey Creighton
Let's be honest, Joey is going downhill. He's best years are behind
him. He's not going to find his fastball, he's not going to find
his stroke again, he's down and out for the count. Why? Well, just
look at last year, he goe
s from
a .73 ERA to a 2.83, he couldn't touch Scott Carmichael last season,
he's coming off an injury to his throwing hand in the pre-season,
and he is still talking about the injury (This means, he's getting
his excuses ready). Hope ya like hanging out at the bottom of the
ERA bracket.
The
Turn Around Guy: Jeff Morrison
This award goes to the guy that is going to 'turn his pitching,
batting or defense around'. Jeff is going to turn around his pitching.
Why? Because in the last couple gamedays in the 2001 season, he
started to do pretty well. So now he's going to pitch like that
all year. In the past years, you don't usually see a change in the
player, but it's still kind of cute watching them get all excited
about their new year.
The
Angry Guy: Casey Sylvester
The Angry Guy is the one that does awesome through out the season,
but because he didn't break every record, including 'Most RBI's
from a Single' he's pissed off and is going to take it out on all
the other pitchers!!! That man is Casey Sylvester, and I don't really
need to go into depth about why, but don't expect too much celebration
when he actually does break every record...because then he is going
to be pissed off, because he doesn't have every Career Record.
The
Changing Guy: James Vassar
This is for the player that is going to change this season. Not
to be confused with the Turn Around Guy, this player is going to
change his whole entire attitude of the game. Not once have I heard
James Vassar say he was going to change this year, but I had to
label him the Changing Guy, because last year, he wasn't going to,
1) Break Bats, 2) Curse, and 3) Get Mad. He then did all of that
including breaking the backstop.
The
Appreciative Guy: Mike Walsh
This is for the guy that appreciates everything that the league
has done and REALLY wants to help out in any way that he can. When
it comes down to the nitty-gritty, they don't usually do anything,
but it's still cool to actually hear it every now and then. (Just
wanted to welcome Mike Walsh to the staff, DON'T SCREW UP!!!)
The
Father Figure Guy: Darnell Uhland
This is for the guy that gets placed into being a 'higher-up' for
the younger guys, even though he never asked to be, never wanted
to be, and probably isn't GOING to be. This guy is made by the wonderful
people here at WB2k2, because we need a story to put up on the front
page. This year's winner, Darnell, has more of a chance of actually
being that person, compared to last year's winner, Casey Sylvester.
But when you see that story pop up about how Darnell is setting
a good example for his teammates, you can pretty much chop that
down to, "Darnell hit a game winning homerun, and it would sound
cool if he's rookie teammates learned something from it." We rock!
The
Lone Fan Guy: Eric Christensen
Don't ask me what the title is suppose to mean, I'm pretty much
trying to say that Eric thinks that he is going to do really well
this year, but everyone else thinks he's going to be crappy as hell.
Even if Eric does do pretty well (which he did last year), players
are going to make up excuses (last year was because he only played
in a such-n-such games). Just don't give this guy a chance in hell
and you'll fit in real well with others...
The
Guy You Love to Hate...Guy: Scott Carmichael
This guy made by all the players and fans, because you're just sick
and tired of seeing this guy dominate. Every sport has this guy.
Basketball has Shaq, baseball has...I don't know, Sosa and Clemens
(at least for me) and football has Warner. WB2k2 has Carmichael.
Wouldn't it be great if this guy failed miserably? I think so! Has
a .240 batting average, 12 homeruns and sports a 4.50 ERA, that
would be a refreshing change. But the only times you get happy is
when he drops his batting average from a .405 to a .399...I hate
that guy.
The
Unknowingly Turn Around Guy: Dean Evans
You see, Dean doesn't know that he is suppose to be awesome this
year, but everyone in the league thinks that if he doesn't become
a dominant force, he's a failure and shouldn't have won Rookie of
the Year. So, sorry Dean, but we better see a 24 jacks, a .350 batting
average and an ERA below 4.00. Remember, you asked to be placed
in this situation!
The
Sophomore Love Guy: Ian Byrd
This is for the player that finds out how much he likes wiffleball...once
the season is over and there is no more wiffleball. All guys feel
it, but when a rookie goes into his second season, you start to
see a little bit more love out of them. After hearing Ian say that
he is going to concentrate more on wiffleball next season (granted,
he was drunk at the time), you got to cheer for this guy now.
The
New Pitch/Stance Guy: Seth Yoder
This is also a, 'not to be confused with Turn Around Guy', this
is for the player that has developed a new pitch or new batting
stance and it's going to change EVERYTHING!!! Seth developed a splitter,
so now he is the toughest pitcher in the league. Chalk him down
for Cy Young Award, nobody is going to touch this guy. It's also
super cool when the pitch or batting stance is new to the league.
You don't see much splitter in our league, so all batters are going
to be confused as hell when they see it! Just watch!
Rookies:
With rookies, you have no idea what to expect, and this year, with
a huge amount of rookies, we don't even know most of their names,
so I'm going to have to keep it brief, since I don't want to make
a proclamation about a player and it not be true!
The
Overconfident Rookie Guy: John Deatrick
Won last year by Aaron Kemper, John's hype for himself is about
ten times higher then anybody else's hype for him
The
Returning Player Guy: Joey Holt
This guy is going to return to the league, only to be surprised
to find out that he didn't improve in his weakness in the past three
years of non-wiffleball action and will then quit...again.
The
Surreal Guy: (Tie) Anthony Sanzone and Hart McKenzie
This is for the rookie that has soooo much talent according to other
players, they are going to change the league. This one is even more
special because nobody has even seen these guys play except for
the commish.
The
Rookie Sophomore Love Guy: Kyle Archibald
This player is the sophomore love guy, before he goes into his sophomore
year. Just read Ian Byrd's and put Kyle's name on it.
The
Ghost Guy: Bob Banos
This guy is the one that joined the league but won't play. I already
put down five bucks saying he won't have more at-bats then Mickey
Kendall did last year
The
Overly Happy Rookie Guy: Chris Keefer
This is for the guy who, if interviewed, would say, "I'm just happy
to be out here and able to play". They usually don't do pretty bad,
but you have to wonder about them sometimes...
The
Silent Guy: Jeff Register
This is why I didn't want to do rookies..."The Silent Guy? Man,
Terry, you're sure scraping the bottom of the barrel on this column,
huh!" Yeah, maybe, but he seems pretty quiet, so shut up!
Yeah...shup
up!
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