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AOL Chat, Volume 1
In
every generation of video games, there is a game that transforms gaming.
It changes the standard, it helps…IT RAISES THE BAR for everyone
else. When that game comes out, imitators are often found nearby trying
to recreate the magic. During the 8-bit Nintendo era, RPG’s (Role
Playing Games) were new to the scene. Here was a style of gaming where
YOU, the challenger, controlled your own destiny. It was new, innovative
and caught on immediately with everyone around. The game that shaped the
way video games were made since was the one and only…Legend of Zelda.
Willow,
my friends, was the imitator that took the two dollars you spent to rent
the game and never gave you an ounce of enjoyment.
Willow,
the video game:
The style of the game is very similar to the Legend of Zelda and all of
the other RPG’s of those times. You walk around, talk to some people,
hopefully they give you stuff, you fight some skeletons, bubbles, snakes,
etc. then you win the game. The object of the game is to go and destroy
Bavmorda, who is the evil queen. Along the way you, Willow, fight most
of the evil movie characters like Kael, Trolls and such. This storyline
is not very true to the movie, but there is still a point and you are
trying to save something, so basically you can’t complain, or else
you would have to complain about every NES game ever made.
Graphics:
The graphics range from "eh" to "bad." The best part
is when they try to do something crazy cool…but just turns out stupid
looking. One example would be using the sword. There are two ways to use
the sword, one is to just jab/poke it and the other is to give an awesome
Super Swing© that doesn’t do any more damage than a normal
jab/poke. The jab/poke just shows the sword pointing out and you run and
try to kill things. The Super Swing© pretty much shows the sword
slice down (looking like a clock hand winding down) that gives your opponent
more than enough time to damage you. So that is just one example of those
"great ideas on paper that don’t look good on 8-bit games."
Sound:
The sound was pretty simple, yet used effectively. You have your "just
walking around, not fighting" music and you have your "fighting"
music. It was quite exciting though when you walk into a new screen and
suddenly you hear the "fighting" music. You start to get jacked!
You start to go, "Alright Bavmorda, you may be the queen of evil,
but I am Willow, the mighty midget who will kill whatever you put in my
way. Bring it sister." Then you proceed to lose about 25 battles
in a row before you finally ( and barely) beat one. Around that 26th battle,
you aren’t really into the music anymore, but I guess they couldn’t
change it after every loss to the summer’s new jam.
Game
Challenge:
Now I know most of my "man" points are going to be taken away,
but the only people that are going to take it away are video gamers, so
I’m not really sure if "man" points even works in this
case. I guess "have no life, I’m a loser" points works
better. Anyway, the reason why I might lose some of those points would
be because this game was goddamn hard for me. I really had no idea how
to get by 10 skeleton heads that are coming after me and I have about
a quarter of the screen to move around. The only thing I could do was
run away…like a man of course. I really didn’t get that far
and even when I did get somewhat far (for my standards at least), the
continue code didn’t work so I wound up having to start at the beginning
again.
I’m not too proud of the fact that I couldn’t get far in Willow,
the NES video game, much like the fact that I’m not proud that I
throw slower with a real baseball now than I did when I was 14, but unlike
baseball, this is Willow, the NES video game and I’m never going
to play it again. Which brings me to my next category…
Enjoyment:
Umm, no…sorry Willow, you may rock in the box office, but you don’t
rock in the video game world. I can’t begin to say how much I disliked
this game. I spent probably 30 more minutes playing this game than I would
have if I wasn’t reviewing it. That brought my total playing time
to about…35 minutes. Don’t begin to tell me that I need to
dedicate myself to the game. If you want to spend all of your time playing
this stupid game, go ahead, do it, beat it, and send me a Willow E-card
telling me that I suck.
Personally,
I’m not going to waste my time playing this game.
Overall:
Overall, this game is exactly like the Zelda series...only it sucks. If
anybody knows how to have the Game Genie work for NES emulators, let me
know, cause that is the only way I’ll touch this game again.
So
if you excuse me, I have to go and beat Zelda, throw a baseball faster,
bang a broad all while I’m drunk on…ZIMA!!! You go girl.
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