1. Let's get right to the point. What's the story with you drowning yourself in cologne before gamedays? Seriously.

That wasn't cologne. That was my natural man-scent. The ladies love it. It's kinda like a superpower....Have you seen the Fantastic 4? Or X-Men. WTF??? That's how one of the Road Warriors would have answered this question. They're so gay.

Honestly, the reason I wore so much cologne was I just wanted to smell good in case I ran into some ladies during wiffleball.

2. You were actually just preparing youself for the .001% chance that a woman would be out there to watch us play?

Heck yes I was. Don't you guys remember Joey's hot neighbors...especially that red head that lived next door? I think she was married...but she was so HOT.

3. How come the long-time girlfriend/now-wife never made it out to any of the heated Wiffolution 51/Playerz games?

We had a team in the league called the Playerz? Who was on that again? Are you messing with me or was there really a team called the Playerz? Oh yeah, didn't Matt Homberg play on that team...for like 5 minutes? I seriously can't remember. Anyways...my girlfriend never came out because I wouldn't let her. I wanted to stay in the zone. She would have just distracted me and that wouldn't have been fair to Wiffolution.

4. Was James Vassar at the wedding?

Not only was he there at the wedding but he was the entertainment at my bachelor party. Again...this is how the Road Warriors would have responded to this question.

No...Mr. Vassar wasn't invited due to strict limitations on the amount of times "Hey monkey $%#^!" can be yelled at any wedding ceremony. I would have liked to have him there, but I just couldn't risk those kind of comments being yelled out during the middle of my vows. Best of luck to James though or as I like to call him..."The Incredible Hulk."

5. Moving on...it's well known you're a huge Xbox fan, so what do you think of Super Monkey Ball?

Let me clarify...I'm not an X-box fan. I'm a Halo fan. There's really a game called Super Monkey Ball? Is that rated Mature? No...maybe I'm thinking of a different game. Um....okay next question.

6. Give us the inside scoop: what happened to Casey Sylvester those last two seasons?

It's better that you all hear it from me. I'm going to come right out and tell you the truth. I'm about to tell you exactly what happened to Casey and why his love for wiffleball faded towards the end of his career: He joined a religious cult. Now I know that doesn't sound like Casey...but this cult was different than most. Their prime belief is that 2-Pac is still alive and that he is living somewhere in the Bahamas. That explains a lot doesn't it?

7. Empty out your mind and tell us the first thing that comes to you when I ask...what was the best song to ever come out of the '80's?

I could never narrow it down to one song, but this one is pretty good: "Glory of Love" by Peter Cetera. It's from the Karate Kid 2 Soundtrack. Totally Awesome Song!

8. What's in the CD Player...RIGHTNOW?!?!?

"Time Life Hits of the 80's Volume 1." The first song on there is "Foot Loose." I'm not gay...I swear it.

9. What's in the DVD Player?

Nothing...we have digital cable so we get all kinds of free movies. I have no need for a DVD. I mainly watch sports anyway. I'm watching the British Open right now. Tiger's gonna kick some British ass!

10. What's in the Xbox?

Tiger Woods Golf 2003. I shot a 43 at TPC Sawgrass. That's 43 strokes for 18 holes, people! I'm unbeatable.

11. Darnell picked the top 5 NES games of all time in his interview. How does that make you feel?

Angry...Who gave Darnell the right to pick the 5 best? If he doesn't have Mike Tyson's Boxing, Contra and Paper Boy as part of his top 5, then tell me where he lives because he is going to get a Duck Hunt cartridge up his #$%.

12. Why was it you were only able to contribute two Xbox review columns for the 2K3 site?

After I reviewed "NASCAR 2003" I wanted to kill myself. After I played "The Sims" I hated all video games ever created. I almost committed a terrorist act after being subjected to those games. It was the lowest of the lows for me. It took me 2 years of counseling before I could pick up a controller again. Thanks for bringing that up Joey. Jackass!

13. What was your proudest personal moment in the league, and what was your most embarassing moment?

Proudest - Down the stretch at the end of the 2003 season. Honestly...Dean and I were never fine physical specimens. Women bowlers are in better shape than us. We are not athletes. However, we are competiors...with a heart and a drive to win, no matter what we were facing. We were the ultimate underdogs. I think down the stretch we won like 10 games out of the last 14 to make the playoffs...mainly without Casey and sporadic play from Matt. Yet...we pulled it off. Making the playoffs that last year was probably my proudest moment.

My most embarrassing moment came every time I took the mound. I had success pitching all through little league, junior high, high school, and then my arm started detaching itself from my body. I hated getting torn up from the mound. I felt like an old man that should have retired in his prime. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do what I used to. However...I'm going to get surgery and then look out. Redemption!

14. Darnell Uhland's allegedly engaged...as a newlywed, do you have any tips for the man?

No tips. Aside from all the trash talk, Darnell has a good head on his shoulders. He knows what he's doing. Oh wait maybe I have one...he should probably stop working at "Dave and Homo's." Bad for the marriage.

15. You claim to attend Cal State, Chico, so you must be big on the party scene. Which leads me to my question: What's the deal with Dean Evans? When are we gonna hook that guy up with a woman?

Dean is not a one-woman man. He's got to have 'em all. It's disgusting. This one time Dean and I went to this frat party...after a league night at the bowling alley of course. Anyways, it was incredible. Dean drank like a fifth of Jose Cuervo, kicked Derek Byrd's ass, left with like 5 girls, almost got arrested, beat up a cop, stopped by Tacos De for a snack and then finished out the night breaking into the bowling alley and stealing the laser tag guns. You guys have just never seen that side of Dean. Get a little tequilla in him and he doesn't need any help. Wild Man Evans.

16. What are the differences between Dean the wiffleballer and Dean the bowler?

There are none. He wants to win. He tries hard. He gets frustrated if he doesn't win. He's a good teammate. I guess the only difference is that he could beat anybody in the wiffleball league at bowling. I watched him bowl a 279 once. He could go pro if he had any ambition.

17. Who was the weirdest player you ever played with or against on the field?

John...I don't remember his last name...but we all know who I'm talking about. Cal Skate John. (Ed. note: He's referring to John Deatrick) That guy knew his batting average at any given point down to like 5 decimal places. He also knew how many times he had gotten a hit off you, how many sunflower seeds you had eaten that day, how many time you scratched your nuts. He was like a statistical machine. Man...he was annoying, but I got to hand it to him, he hit a big homerun off me in the playoffs to help the Holy Whites to victory. He could probably tell you how far that homerun flew...in centimeters.

18. What can the fans expect from "The Money Maker" when the league reunites for Winterball '05?

Are you serious? Are we really going to play? That would be incredible...better than Christmas morning. I can't wait! I'm going to get the Big Cack ready right now.